Funny relationship jokes one liners in english

 Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

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I come from a stupid family… during the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!

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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'

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The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prison they let you play softball on the weekends.

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At least fifty percent of the human race doesn’t want their mother-in-law within walking distance.

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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

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A husband said to his wife, 'No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.'

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A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

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Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

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How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

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I'd go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

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Did you hear about the porcupine who was near-sighted? He fell in love with a pincushion.

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A Frenchwoman, when double-crossed, will kill her rival; the Italian woman would rather kill her deceitful lover; the Englishwoman simply breaks off relations – but they all will console themselves with another man.

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 Let's commit the perfect crime together. I'll steal your heart and you can steal mine.

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I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone.’

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 Knock, knock. Who's there? Juno. Juno, who. Juno that you're the love of my life?

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Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner; tactics is getting her to drink it.

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When a penguin finds a mate, they stay with them for the rest of their life. Will you be my penguin?

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You might be a redneck if… your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your grandfather.


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Knock, knock. Who's there? Honeydew. Honeydew, who? Honeydew you know how much I love you?

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Courtship: When a fellow gets so wrapped up in a girl that it’s easy to tie the knot.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Olive. Olive, who? Olive you, and I don't care who knows it.


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